This is a post responding to Calvin’s blog about how history repeats itself in relationships. From the moment we were born and throughout our entire lives, we form relationships with our families and friends. Relationships are very important in our lives because with relationships, we are not isolated and we can embrace our existence in this world. I do agree that when it comes to relationships, we should take this matter seriously and carefully because I think relationships are one of the integral parts in our lives. There are many questions and obstacles about relationships that we need to take into consideration very seriously. Although Calvin didn’t mention some of the problems relating to compatibility, there are tons of examples that I am going to mention. For example, should a Christian date a non-Christian? Should an Asian date a non-Asian? Should a girl date a guy who is younger than her? These are some of the factors that might trigger the issue about history repeating itself.
Fortunately, I agree in that history doesn’t repeat itself in relationships because the experience in every relationship is different from one and another.
From my personal observations, history from previous relationships is very important. We all have a relationship history; it was made from our decisions in the process and we learned from them. These kinds of history are big influences in our decision making for future relationships. Learning from our previous mistakes can help us to choose better partners and thus, not repeat the same mistakes.
As this moment, I still have a very close relationship with my girlfriend (thank God). From my previous relationship, I have three effective tips that I wish to tell so that we all can create a positive history in our relationship. First, remember carefully what does and doesn’t work from previous one. Next, take action when something goes wrong. Don’t just stand there and assume that this one is the perfect relationship. If you think that way, WRONG!!! Most people just assume that even though they are in a relationship with a totally different person, they could not have the same consequences on their action. Yes, it is true that every person is unique; every person will have different reactions for every action that we make, but it doesn’t rule out the possibility that they could have the same reaction. And the last one, keep in mind that you are trying to change and improve your relationship, so do it right!
Lastly, there are other unknown forces that contribute to the issue of history repeats itself. No matter how hard or how long we try to make a relationship work, somehow it doesn’t. Somehow it seems inevitable that we keep repeating the same mistakes. My best bet is that it is probably our personality and the way we look into things does change over time. And possibly deep down unconsciously, we realize that this relationship will never work; we just chose not to take it into account and just ignore it. So for closing, how does one decide or choose the right person for his or her better ‘half?’
3 comments:
Sometimes relationship articles happen to catch my eye on the front page of Yahoo! and I cannot resist to click on them and read them. When I read them, I think about how they apply to my girlfriend and me. Sometimes the things they write make sense; at other times, they just do not apply at all. The bottom line is that I agree with you: different people react differently in different relationships while others may react the same way. Hence, these articles are, in my opinion, general opinion. But then again, my relationship with my gf is a little weirder than normal relationships. Nevertheless, I like how you give an honest opinion about how experiences from previous relationships may or may not apply, and how some relationships simply fail because of personality clashes.
And for your closing question (I think you meant to write, "how does one decide or choose") I think we just have to weigh what the most important qualities to us are. No one is perfect, but some clashes are actually complements that make that special someone perfect.
Eddy, I really like the honesty and humility with which you take on these issues of history and relationships. You are right to say that there are many "questions and obstacles" when it comes to relationships—and probably more of these than we even like to admit!
The "unknown forces" involved in relationships are definitely the trickiest (and yet most banal) things that we have to navigate from day to day, I think.
I like how hesitant you are to give a simple solution or answer to these issues. And as for your final question, Bernie is right in his tentative theory about weighing things—and I would add that we should never take these things 'off the scale', as it were: we should never 'decide' once and for all, but keep deciding every day if we want to be with someone. This may sound weird because it sounds like being against commitment, but what I actually mean is that commitment is perhaps not as important as constantly committing—keeping it in the present. Gosh, now I sound like a relationship counselor or a bad advice column writer!!
Make sure to proofread carefully, because there are many typos throughout your post, including several reoccurring inconsistent tenses.
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